Most readers would have heard of Malala Yousafzai, the Pakistani teenager who was shot by the Taliban and went on to win the Nobel Peace Prize.
Like Madonna Ciccone, Malala has achieved a level of fame where she has first-name status.
But do you know the names Ziauddin Yousafzai and Toor Pekai Yousafzai?
They're Malala's parents and my new heroes. As impressive as Malala is, her family's support has made her who she is. Her father's journey from his patriarchal upbringing to being a self-described feminist is particularly remarkable.
In Australia, it seems that every day we are regaled with stories or allegations of men behaving badly towards women. Actors Geoffrey Rush and Craig McLachlan. Footballer Jarryd Hayne. Senator Barry O'Sullivan's staffer. Pollies Luke Foley and Andrew Broad.Most men are decent human beings but I'm not sure that's enough. We have plenty of good blokes but we need heroes and change-makers. Men like Ziauddin Yousafzai.
Malala, now 20 and a student at Oxford University, was in Australia for a speaking tour recently and I saw her at the Sydney event, where she packed out the 8000-seat theatre at the International Convention Centre.
I knew the bare bones of her story: when the Taliban banned girls from going to school, Malala pushed back and became known for her advocacy. One day a Taliban gunman boarded the bus carrying Malala home from school, shot her in the head and left her for dead. She was saved by doctors, first in Pakistan and then in Birmingham, UK, where her family eventually moved.She's recovered from horrific injuries and continues her work advocating and fundraising for the 130 million girls globally who are not in school.
Malala describes herself as just an ordinary girl and says if she had been born into an ordinary family, she would be married with children by now.I don’t agree that Malala is “just an ordinary girl” – not everyone has her passion for learning, her courage or the poise to speak in front of 8000 people – but her point about her family is well made.She described how her father, Ziauddin, was her biggest supporter when it came to both her education and activism. Malala mentioned that he had written a book, Let Her Fly: A Father’s Journey and the Fight for Equality, which was published in November. I bought a copy after the event and read it. The book takes its name from the fact that people often ask him what he did for Malala to make her the way she is and he answers that they should ask what he did not do – he did not clip her wings.
He describes how he grew up in a typical family where the women and girls served the men and boys and the boys were educated but the girls were not. As a child he never questioned it but as a teenager he witnessed the torment of his cousin trapped in a violent marriage and honour killings in the neighbourhood.
It made a strong impression and he vowed if he had a daughter he would do things differently. He started by recording her birth in the family tree, the first female name anybody had written down for 300 years.
He also realised that he needed to model equality to Malala and her two younger brothers by the way he treated their mother, Toor Pekai. He fully consulted her in decisions and gave her the rare freedom to walk around town unchaperoned.While Toor Pekai is less in the public eye, Ziauddin makes it clear she played a pivotal role in the family's quest for equality.Australia is a much less patriarchal society than Pakistan, but we don’t have full gender equality. Women earn less than men, have lower retirement savings, occupy fewer leadership positions in business and politics, do most of the child rearing and domestic work, and are more likely to be hurt or killed by family violence. Men are more likely to be murdered, more likely to be in jail and have higher rates of suicide. A patriarchal society also goes hand in hand with other power structures based on race and class.
What Malala’s story shows is the importance of parenting and how men and boys need to be part of the fight for equality too.
Yet the 8000 people at Malala’s Sydney event were mostly women and girls. There were men, but they were in the minority, and I saw very few boys.
There were plenty of mother-daughter duos and quite a few groups from girls’ schools. Surely, sons and fathers should go to events like this? What about school groups of boys?
It sometimes feels like we’re having conversations about gender equality with only half the population.
It’s quite common for girls’ schools to study Malala’s first book I am Malala. How many boys study it at school?
There are plenty of strong heroines in books aimed at girls, but have we changed the books we buy for boys?
And while parents of daughters often choose schools with great programs to develop female leaders, do the parents of sons ask prospective schools how they prepare the boys for a more gender-equal world?
If you’re looking for a last-minute gift for a man or a boy in your life, you could do worse than buy him Let Her Fly. It’s an engaging read and only 165 pages.
As Ziauddin Yousafzai writes, there is “beauty to be had for us all in living in a truly equal society”.
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